Saturday, June 22, 2013

Playing it safe.....and being too comfortable!

Yesterday I had a shocker that hit me by surprise. Today I got a realization as to why things happen the way they do. I have to say, today my ego has been bruised quite a bit and now I have to some how get over the fact that my delayed return to work is in fact my own doing. Some times I need to be reminded that any job is never guaranteed. When we go on a path to look for new work, we have to always remember to  put our best on regardless of where you are going or returning to. I made the critical error in playing it safe. Sure, have been at the lake for 4 seasons, worked with almost the same people for that amount of time so I did think they already knew who I was. I have given the same  interview over the past 4 seasons so I took it for granted that I would be going back. I got too comfortable. But then, life through me a hard fact that I know have to be reminded of again.  I should have done better. I should have known better. I always talk about never taking anything for granted and yet it is indeed what I have done. I admit I have been knocked down to my humble self and it is exactly where I deserve to be. I know they were probably expecting more from me so I feel like I did disappoint them quite a bit. SO where do I go from here? Well, I cant wallow in my self pity too long. I have to get back up and do some polishing of myself. I have to take this experience and remember the feeling and carry it with me for my next moment. Life is hard when you have to learn a hard lesson from the ego. I will eventually forgive myself and tell myself that it is ok not to be perfect and I will actually believe it. I know I was a great candidate for the job, but my moment of safeness cost me more than I had bargained for. I guess it goes to show you that we cant get through life by playing it safe. Lesson Learned!
The silver lining about all this, is that I can still try again. Next hiring cycle is in October so if nothing else comes up I can try again.....I have time to polish myself....

Friday, June 21, 2013

SLR, I will miss you

I am still a bit of shock since yesterday. I feel as if I was punched in the stomach very hard then left alone to keel over. I got a letter from work saying I wasn't being called back this season. I am just sick to my stomach that this happened.  I thought for sure I was going back. I always knew any job was not guaranteed, but still.... I have always done my best,  never late, hardly ever called in and I have always worked hard to be such a great park aid that I guess I was fooling myself to think that mattered. Even my  performance reviews have always been good. Either way, I will miss working there. I will always have good thoughts and feelings  about the people that gave me such experience. There was  such a joy in being a member of the California State Park family. Once you have worked at a park, it makes other jobs seem so dull and lifeless. There's something to be said about nature and the great outdoors. I have no clue what I will do next. My feeling of shock still overwhelms me. I am not as worried about finding another job as much as I worry that I wont find something I enjoy. I find that a person has to like what they do to be  successful at their job. It is such a change for me that I don't even know where to begin. I knew someday I would have to start looking  for something new, but I didn't think so soon. I suppose I should have been more prepared. Is this Life telling me that I need to head down another path? I am wondering if there is anything  still left out there. I wish I had the time and patients to take time to find out....but times a ticking and bills got to be paid. I  am overwhelmed.

Ok, I have that vented. I am hoping as time goes on that my worries will ease. But until then I will accept that I must move forward and venture into a new direction. It is scary to venture into the unknown, but I  have to face it. Of course this happening when my daughter is off in another country for the first time in her life doesn't help the stress. But as the old saying God doesn't give you more than you can handle, well, I hope that is true.

So to my former work,  SLR, I miss you and thank you for all you have given me. You have given me more than you know. My highest regards to all that helped me on my journey there.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Day one airport


Day one continued....

Picture of Emily and  the kids at the airport waiting for their plane. (picture courtesy of Tammy Boschee ) Emily sure looks tired. I hope she gets plenty of sleep tonight where ever she will be staying. Good news is they made it to Costa Rica with no issues. PHEW!

Day one, Costa Rica Bound

Well, its here. I never thought she would actually get the money to do it, but she did. Emily finally is on her way to Costa Rica. As a parent it is hard to see your first born heading off on her very first adventure, especially a place so far away. I can only imagine the valuable  lessons she will learn on this trip. To see another culture and embrace the beauty of this world will be remarkable for her. I am so very excited for her. I wish I had the opportunity to do what she is doing when I was growing up, but I didn't. So I guess I will have to live my life vicariously  through her. LOL. As much as it makes me a proud parent to see her spread her wings, it also makes me quite nervous. I suppose that's normal for any parent watching their child leave the nest sort of speak. I watch the news and I know the kinds of things that happens in other countries, but I also do know the world is not all bad. I do know we can't let our fears stop us from truly enjoying the world and exploring it. I wish nothing but amazing things for Ms. Emily. I hope to write more updates regarding this trip as I get the details..  I hope to get messages from her soon cause I am already missing her...and its only day 1!!!!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Purge

 
So my daughter Sarah got some money today from her grand parents for being in the top 10 of her class this past school year and she couldn't wait to spend it. What is it about teenage girls and money? LOL.  So  she, her friend and myself went to see the movie the Purge today. All I can really say is I am glad it wasn't my money that was used. Not only was this movie highly predictable, but the whole concept of legalizing crime was so unrealistic. Can you imagine if all crime was legal for one day a year? I cant imagine a world where our government would go to such extreme measures. Although listening to all the Obama bashers these days,  I am certain many would love to practice such law, which is quite sad in itself. It was quite disturbing that some person thought up this idea that legalized crime one day a  year would make us better people. Very sick, very twisted. It is bad enough we live in a world that glorifies violence, but to suggest it become legal is evil. I know, it is just a movie....but the fact someone had thought like this is the scary part. What made them think of such things? What is even worse is that I am almost certain that all the NRA members that see this movie will probably use this as another reason to want to keep their guns. Its Hollywood people, just Hollywood. Ya know, the place of extremes. I hope that someday Hollywood will make  more movies that show the real dangers of weapons and how they do more harm then good. But I am afraid that as long as society keeps buying into the violence, things will never change. I don't know, maybe it is just me. I do prefer movies that make me think of good things, and inspiration. This movie was the complete opposite. The one thing the movie did make me understand though is that if such a law ever did come to pass, (God help us), people like me would probably be the first to go.....There's no way that people of limited means can truly protect themselves. Who would have our backs? When I think about that, I  don't think I would stop them from killing me because frankly I would not want to live in a world where killing people is legal. As much as people complain about laws, they are there for a reason.

Anyway.....

I think I will go back to watching happier movies...this one was too weird for me....but I suppose it does make it an interesting topic to discuss. Where there is extremes, there is conversations. But come on, lets be more hopeful about life....

Friday, June 14, 2013

Madbum

 
Madbum is the man tonight against the Braves.....gotta love the boys of summer and especially my boys in SF! These great pitching moments reminds me of the champions we have on our team. Can we do it again this year? Doubtful, but I will never count them out of anything. Second half of the baseball season has always been their time....Go Giants! They truly are the comeback team if there ever was one. I just wish I could watch more of the games. It sucks being a baseball fan and not being able to afford cable. Oh, and screw any packages from MLB because you can watch any other game but your home town team...ugh...Idiots. What is a baseball fan to do?  My spirit is with SF always!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Superman


So the movie Superman comes out tomorrow and a lot of people are making a big deal over this movie.  I personally was never interested in seeing it because , well, frankly I am not really into the super hero, action movies that seem to be very popular these days. I also  find too many people have played superman that I am kind of turned off by the idea of yet another superman. Christopher Reeves will always be the main superman in my book. I know he wasn't the first, but he was the best.

Anyway, more often than not I find myself being a typical chick that goes to chick flicks  and sappy stories that make me cry. SO, I am a girl, sue me. But then I found out two of  some of my favorite actors are in it and suddenly this movie is looking a little more desirable to me. LOL.I know I am weird. I go to movies cause of the actors and not the story. Go figure. There are just some really good actors out there that if you just hear their name, you jump to see what ever they are in. Any movie that has Kevin Costner or Laurence Fishburne in it I will happily  go see it. Since they are both in this one, I will spend the money. Although I will  definitely have to wait till my next unemployment check comes in cause I am too broke at the moment.Yeah, the grown up me has to be responsible about what I spend my money on....drat.  I  hate when life interferes with my play time. I so need work to call soon cause I so need to go back to work so I can afford to play more. Being poor sucks, but hey....not complaining. I gotta keep thinking positive. I am positive that I need a super hero about now. Where's my superman? LOL...I am definitely adding this movie to my "to see" list.


...In other news....this letter just came in....

Dear Hollywood,
Stop making  good movies that I want to see....I cant afford to go to see them at the moment.....

Sincerely the broke movie goer

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

This is the end

A lovely way to spend an afternoon....at the movies.  I went to see a  really funny movie this afternoon with my daughter Sarah. I was debating weather I should take her or not since the movie was rated R, and she is still under aged, but I believed  she was old enough. I was also debating weather or not I should spend the money since I have not gone back to work yet and my bank account is looking more and more deserted. Like most people I sucked it up and said screw it, I want some fun. Yes, the movie was goofy, sometimes stupid, and  it probably won't win an Oscar (lol)....but it was still entertaining.  Some times its refreshing to see something that wont make you think about the importance of life or the meaning of it. Sometimes it is good just to laugh your freakin ass off, which I pretty much did. I suppose that was the real point to the movie. This movie had a good number of famous people in it, but in all honesty, I only went to see it cause of one Mr. James Franco. What can I say, I am one tracked minded sometimes. I  will say the other characters were just as funny. I loved them all. I wont  give anything away, but all I will say is that I will never look at Channing Tatum the same way again!

This is the end of my review!!!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

The dark hours of the night.....

 
 
 
I so love these late nights when I can marvel at the quietness of the evening and not worry about tomorrow. There is a peace in the solitude of this dark, brilliant night that was created by the heavens above. Its time like these I get inspired for more hopeful things. My mind wonders, and it wonders to  places everywhere the mind can possibly go. To wonder about the possibilities or  to dream of things of the heart make such nights like this amazing. I know, sometimes I am a silly dreamer. I dream of things that are generally not possible, but it doesn't stop me. The mind has no limits. Considering we live in a world filled with lots of negativity, violence and the decline of moral values, I think having people on this planet that have imaginations is often a good thing, well, if its an imagination that does good and not evil.
 
Anyway, God Bless this night  and to all those thinking how lovely this planet is that we live on.  Paint the skies with the stars of your dreams. I know it sounds corny, but what is wrong with being corny? I just mean that I hope we never loose faith on what we can truly become.
 
God Bless

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Heat



 Well, summer is officially here. The kids are out of school and it is warming up quickly. It is 106 degrees outside and I feel like a prisoner in my own home today. It is too hot to spend any time outside and since my AC in my car doesn't work, it is too hot to go anywhere as well. What is a woman to do? I guess I will have to settle for eating ice cream and watching Gerard Butler or James Franco movies at home this weekend. I know, exciting weekend huh? It is for me. I mean seriously, have you seen those guys? MMMM, yummy. Although I probably should be watching  guys that that wont make life any hotter... LOL. Sorry Josh, I got new obsessions. LOL. Anyway, its called the poor woman weekend. I don't mean poor woman, but a woman that is too poor to do anything else. I am not complaining though. As blah as I feel sometimes I do try to keep in mind that my situation could always be worse. Like many things in life,  its all just temporary. I so need to get back to work. I miss my park. I miss the fishermen and the campers...of course I miss  my co workers. Yeah, yeah, yeah , I miss the paycheck too. LOL.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Family




 Teenagers certainly make life interesting, especially when your a parent of one of them. Had an eventful evening  tonight with one of my children today. All I will say is that it involved a cell phone,  running away, and bad communication. Bad Combo for sure. I think the one thing we can take away from all this is that communicating well with your child is important. If you don't communicate well, than  the relationship itself struggles. Never be afraid to make mistakes, never be afraid to admit when your wrong and try to see things from a child's point of view. There are so many things we could do differently. It is important to learn from our mistakes. No one is perfect, not even parents. I think if we can acknowledge our mistakes then the child itself can learn that it is okay to admit wrong doings. Anyway, glad tonight resolved itself....it sure keeps life interesting for sure.

Eat,pray, love

LBROWN PHOTO
Loving weekends. Its a beautiful time to  not have  to go anywhere. I think its a nice change from taking the kids to school every morning. Don't get me wrong, love my kids and spending time with them, but being a chauffeur constantly is so  tiring.  Some times its nice to have a break. Yes, it is perfectly ok to give yourself a break sometimes. It took me a long time to say it, but even longer to believe it. All I will say today.....got my eat, pray, love going on and I am feeling incredibly inspired.
 
Time to go work on some home projects....
 
~Go Life~