Monday, August 26, 2013

Lifes Journey

Oh sweetness of the night, the moon, the stars....Oh how I long for your comfort tonight. Its been crazy lately in my life. My life was going  pretty good until I started using my heart again. LOL. Its good now too, just its more emotional than I remember. It is amazing what you feel when you start letting other people  see your true inner being. Letting people inside is not always easy for me. I am not always sure its a good thing, but I try risk it anyway. There is so much emotion  and so much ego in people, including myself,  that we often loose track of what really is important, especially when we have to deal things that are not always pleasant. I think it is why  many relationships end, people get scared and don't want to face the work it takes to keep feelings going. Please forgive me  universe for  my ups and down lately. This dating thing sure feels new to me. I must admit, I feel a little insecure. It should it has been years since I even let anyone see the real me. I feel like a little school girl with her very first love and not knowing how to handle it, which is odd since I am divorced and have had a few loves in my life already. Maybe that is how we are suppose to be when we find people that matter to us. Maybe it is suppose to be confusing and  we are not suppose to know where we are standing at any given moment. Maybe we are not suppose to know how to breath or how to catch ourselves when we fall. Maybe it is  suppose to catch us off guard and make us feel things we  never had felt before.  Some one told me today they didn't like one of my post and that I should stick to  being positive. I suppose I have been writing a lot of negative things lately, especially of doubt. But I question that because as human beings we are not always positive about our lives or where we are going. We all doubt ourselves at some point on our journey. It is how we react to those moments that define who we are. I love to write, weather it is good or bad, it is still a part of me. I often find words come out better when I write them down. For some reason my mouth doesn't  always want to cooperate. LOL. My emotions tend to get the better of me. As much as I enjoy all the sweet moments of life, I also want to embrace the not so good moments as well because it is those moments that teach us the most about who we are, what we want, what we need.I don't want to sugar coat anything just because the truth is often so hard to hear. I lay it out there. It is how I see it weather it is right or wrong. Sure, some times I regret what I type later on, and some times it wont even make any sense. But at that particular moment that I write them,  these words are exactly how I feel.

I love the night and all its  darkness, especially in times of uncertainty. It comforts me and reminds me so of how much a woman I am and how sensual I  can be. I know my soul is a good one and that it aches for its match. I know that when I love someone, I love with all my heart. Loving only half way does no good for  a persons spirit.  I am  so eager to see the moonlight tonight and the  endless amount of stars in the heavens because they often guide me to a better place.. a better state of mind. All I know is that  I long for a connection of a soul tonight, but right now it is still  wondering about her own....I know the future is still unknown and I have many lessons to learn, but I am eager to continue on this journey to find out what Life has in store. I have deep understanding  that with the beautiful moments of life, comes some pain and struggle. We can't have one without the other. I accept that. I long to see what these moments will bring to my life and how it will make me a better me. For now, I  take it day by day making the best of every moment. Where it will lead me, I don't know, but as long as I keep putting myself in this vulnerable position then I can find beautiful things. You can't gain anything without risk.....It is a scary world to let anyone into your heart because it gives them power to break it. If we don't take that chance then we will never find what we  need....

Anyway, its been a day. So much to think about lately.  But its life. A soul would be pretty boring if we didn't have things to think about. We would never grow. I think tonight I am going to take a nice bath, lay in bed in the cool sheets and listen to some music. I am thinking Groban tonight as his voice soothes me when I am trying to find my way....Oh the sweet sounds of music....It has such healing powers. For anyone else that struggles...just know you are never alone and that there are people out there  everywhere trying to find their own way on their journey just like you. Some times we can walk together, some times we must face things alone...either way, we are all one in this universe.

~Godspeed~

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