Sunday, June 19, 2011

reflection of work


Summer mornings are so beautiful at the lake. Crystal clear skies, slight breeze through my kiosk window, sounds of wildlife all around me…I actually saw a heard of elk on the road near my booth on the way to work this morning. The mom elks were guiding their babies across the road. I can tell it’s mating time. The serene scene gave me time to clear my thoughts and focus on the important things of life. I still think I have the best job in the world…it allows me to have such freedom. It’s not a high paying job, and even the hours are bad at some parts of the year, but I don’t really care. I enjoy coming back every season. I feel like I have a job I can do very well in. The view itself is worth coming back to. Not to forget the people that I work with are extremely wonderful to work with.

It is funny, when the kids are gone at night to their dads and I am alone, I feel a sense of loneliness that can be very painful some nights. Those moments hurt sometimes so much that I cry myself to sleep. I miss my kids, but mostly, I miss being loved by a man. I miss being nurtured and cared for. I miss the touches and words of comfort like “Laurie, I will protect you and take care of you.” Everyone says I will find that person, but I tell you, the waiting is hard. It is supposed to be. I don’t know why the nights are so emotional for me. All I know is I am tired of the going to bed alone. When I come to work in the mornings, alone again in my kiosk, I feel great about the peace and solitude. It’s like night and day…literally. LOL. Loneliness is a funny thing sometimes. It can hurt, but sometimes it is so rewarding.

My kiosk is a little booth that overlooks the big lake. I get a splendid view of the boaters that are trying to find that perfect spot to catch fish. Today, a couple of fisherman caught 2 10 pound stripers and then threw them back. The water level this year seems to be higher than normal as I think the mountains are really melting some good snow this year. The lake is so pretty when it is full. When I don’t get visitors, the booth is quiet. I sometimes clean, which I do a lot, or maybe I will organize some. Sometimes I have a book to read when it is really slow. One day I went through a whole book just from how slow it was. But the holidays are a different story. It gets so busy that I barely have enough time to breathe. But I love it.

Afternoon today not much happened, at least not at my part of the lake. Spent some time listening to the police radio and the excitement that occurred was at the smaller lake today. A man got arrested for abusing his girlfriend and wouldn’t let her leave the park. He went to jail today. Things like that happen almost every holiday time. I can just wait till the 4th of July comes….I almost expect a fire to happen.

But today was good. It was quiet, and reflective. I am home now missing that loving touch, but I know someday that will happen. Just when???